The Heater that caused us so much Trouble
by nurzubesuch
Summary: The heater is broken in Shawn's and Juliet's appartement and the plumper is already late. Will he arrive in time before Shawn destroys the heater in his try to repair it himself?


**Disclaimer: I own nothing of this.**

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><p><strong>The Heater that caused us so much trouble<strong>

„I told you I can do this myself." Shawn insisted kneeling in front of the heater, the pincers of his father in his hand, still trying to figure out where to put it to use it effectively. „You could have spared the call to this plumper guy." he kept talking. „Just a few strokes of work and …"

„Shawn, please don´t." Juliet tried to talk him out of this. „You´ll only break it."

„Poppycock." Shawn replied and finally found a hold with the pincers. „I only need to …" he grabbed the tool as tight as he could and tried to screw it – unsuccessfully. He tried harder, holding his breath in the process until his face started to turn reddish.

„Oh, god, Shawn, stop it." Juliet cried.

He did, breathing heavily. Nothing had happened on the heater. „I don´t understand why this doesn´t work. My dad always does that when his heater is broken."

„What does he do?"

„He does … that thing, you know. Screwing something and then it makes this sound. Tffffprrrrschhh. You see? He´s letting the … air out … I think."

„But you were trying to screw the bracket." Juliet replied pointing at the place where Shawn had unsuccessfully tried to open the heater.

„I did?" he looked down confused.

„Shawn. We really should wait for the plumper."

„We are waiting for the plumper for two days now." Shawn cried.

„I know." Juliet said rubbing her cold arms. She was wearing two wool cardigans and it was still chilly in here. „But it´s a busy time of the year." she defended the plumper. „We just have to be patient. He said he´d come today."

„Until he´s here we are frozen." Shawn said and went back to the heater. „I take care of this."

„Please don´t." she begged. „I´ll make us some hot chocolate to warm us up."

„All right. Great idea." Shawn agreed. „I`m right there. Just one more try okay?"

Juliet groaned inwardly but went to the kitchen hoping Shawn wouldn´t cause too much damage. Before she was actually in the kitchen it rang at the door. Juliet´s hope went up immediately. If that was the plumper, her worries would be over soon.

„I´ll get it." she cried and hurried to the front door. She threw it open, ready to thank the plumper for his arrival a thousand times. But instead of a guy in blue pants and a box of tools in his hand, she was facing …

„Gus." she greeted a little startled. „What are you doing here?"

„Shawn told me your heater is broken." Gus explained and hold up a blanket. Juliet noticed a cable coming out of it and understood.

„That´s very nice of you, Gus." she said. „But we expect a plumper soon."

„If it keeps going the way it went so far he´ll be here around springtime." Shawn argued coming to the door. „Uh, dude, that´s perfect." he cried when he saw the heating blanket.

Gus stepped in and looked around with a frown. „Man, you were not exaggerating." he said. „It´s colder in here than outside." He shivered for a moment and then marched into the sitting room, looking for a socket to plug the heating blanket in.

„I was about to make some hot chocolate." Juliet told him. „You want one too."

„That´d be great." Gus answered while wrapping himself into the blanket. „Thank´s Juliet."

She just nodded and finally made her way into the kitchen. Shawn sat down on the sofa next to Gus.

„Man, dude." Gus shivered. „That´s awfully cold in here. How long has it been that way?"

„Two days, dude."

„Two days?" Gus cried in shock. „How can you and Juliet live in that? I would be dead by now."

Shawn tried to get a piece of the heating blanket but Gus wouldn´t share it.

„We kinda warm each other." Shawn answered his friend´s question, frowning startled. He tried again to get at least an edge of the blanked but Gus slapped his hand away.

„Dude, you brought that for us." he recalled.

„You can have it when I leave." Gus insisted, wrapping himself even deeper into the blanked. „How the hell is it that the plumper didn´t show up yet?" he started to complain as if it was his appartement that had turned into a freezer. „If it is that way in other households then I can understand the rising number of death from freezing."

„They are rising?"

„What?"

„What? You said …"

„Shawn. What are you doing with this pincer?"

„What do you think I did with it?" Shawn cried. „I tried to fix this heater. I tried to get it to make this sound. The tffffprrrsschhhh." He imitated the departing air again. Gus skipped back in disgust, when some spit flew in his direction.

„Did it work?" he asked.

„No, I think the … suction … overflow connector is defect. It won´t move."

Gus just stared at his friend with a blank face. „The suction-overflow-connector?" he asked.

Shawn just waved his hand as if it was useless to even discuss a broken piece like that, if it existed or not. „Dude, you have no idea how it is to sleep next to that thing." he told him instead. „It is constantly doing those creepy sounds. They go like Gloogfffloagh gloogfffloagh …"

„All right, I got it." Gus skipped back again.

„This is irritating." Shawn finished his statement.

„And it keeps you from sleeping." Juliet agreed, coming from the kitchen with three mugs of hot chocolate. She handed them two of the mugs and then sat down herself, warming her cold hands on the porcelain. Gus did the same, his nose hanging over the mug to take in the hot steam.

„Seriously Shawn." he said. „You need to do something. Why don´t you ask your dad to help you with this? He knows how to do such things."

Juliet already closed her eyes, knowing what would come now.

„Because, Gus." Shawn started. „I can take care of that myself. I don´t need to call my dad at every little thing that gets broken in our household." he pointed at himself and Jules. „I passed the thirty. All right? That´s kind of a border beyond which one doesn´t need his father to take care of …"

„I already tried to make him call Henry." Juliet explained. „He just won´t."

„Yeah." Shawn affirmed. „And you know what? Because I don´t need to. I." he cried standing up. „Will fix this heater. All by myself."

In that moment, when he was kneeling down again, it rang at the door.

„Oh, thanks god." Juliet exclaimed and jumped up to answer the door. Please let it be the plumper this time, she begged and she was heard. When she opened the door a guy stood there, not in blue pants but he was carrying a toolbox.

„Residence O´Hara … or is it Spencer? It wasn´t clear on the name tag."

„You are at the right place if you are the plumper I called."

„I am. I am." the guy affirmed with two fast nods and stepped in.

Shawn came to them, placing himself next to the guy, demonstratively holding the pincer up. „Now listen." he said. „Since it was impossible for you to show up earlier, I almost already repaired the heater all by myself. I accurately exhausted the air from it. It made pprrrffffth. But it is still not working."

„And did you exhausted the air from yourself too?" the guy asked after a moment of looking at him.

Shawn frowned. „No." he said. „Just the heater. Why? Should I?"

„Maybe it´s better you let the expert do his job, Shawn." Gus suggested from his place at the sofa.

„The heater is over here." Juliet said leading the way to show the plumper, who had hesitated at Gus´ use of the word expert. He followed her nevertheless to have a look.

„And don´t worry." Juliet just, said pointing at Shawn. „He didn´t do anything yet."

„Aha." the plumper commented, looking at the heater for a moment. „You see ehm, the thing is …" he started. „Today is ehm … well it´s my first day in the job. Technically I work as an … undertaker."

„What?" Shawn and Gus cried unisono. „You called an undertaker to fix your heater?" Gus asked looking at Shawn.

„I didn´t call him. She did."

„But you know how to do this stuff." Juliet tried to reason with the plumper slash undertaker.

„Well, yeah I got a manual …"

„On you?" she assumed still hopeful.

„Er, no." he replied. „I ordered one. At ebay. It´s on the way, should be delivered in a few days."

„Dude, I don´t believe it." Shawn exclaimed.

„But don´t worry." the plumper/undertaker said. „Don´t worry. I can handle that. What is broken again? The heater you said? All right, then … I first need to see the boiler."

„Sure." Juliet said. „It´s in the bathroom. I show you. Over here."

„Good." he followed her.

„What´s your name, by the way?" she asked.

„Ehm, Bentner. Ralph Bentner." the guy introduced himself while following Juliet to the bathroom door. „You know my wife always used to say …"

„You´re married?" Juliet tried to do some polite small talk.

„No." Ralph Bentner answered promptly. „Not anymore. Divorced."

„Dude, I wonder why." Shawn whispered at Gus but didn´t get a reply.

„Yeah, she left me." Bentner just told Juliet nonchalantly. „That is I moved out. That´s another point I wanted to talk about …" he cleared his throat, putting his hands into his pockets to seem even more nonchalant than before. „I ehm, wanted to ask if I could … just for a while … because I´m lack of an appartement right now …"

„Wow wow wow wow." Shawn cried jumping up and over to them. „What?"

„Yeah, you see I would call it a barter deal." Ralph Bentner explained. „I fix your heater and instead of paying me, you let me stay here for … two or three months."

„Dude, you are kidding right?" Shawn asked.

„No. That´s also the reason why I named this address to let the book be delivered. You know the manual. Because this is my new address."

Shawn exchanged a helpless look with Gus over the guys shoulder. His friend looked as startled as he felt.

„But for now I should fix the boiler." Bentner said and walked into the bathroom. „Just a few minutes." he promised and was gone.

„Yeah, it´s all right." Shawn cried after him. „Take your time." As soon as the door was closed he hurried over to the phone.

„Shawn, what are you doing?" Juliet asked him.

„I´m calling the nuthouse." he said. „I´m sure they want to know where the guy is, they are missing."

„You can´t call the nut … I mean the mental hospital." Juliet objected. „You have no proof that he is sick or anything."

„You heard what he said."

„Yeah, I heard it. But that doesn´t mean that he is mentally ill. Just an …"

„Asshole?"

„We don´t need to do what he asked us." Juliet dismissed the suggested word. „After he fixed the heater we will politely ask him to leave and everything is fine."

„If he can fix it."

„We have a better chance to get this heater fixed with him than with your skills." Gus said. „Honestly, I´m starting to lose the feeling in my legs."

Shawn had just opened his mouth to object when it rang at the door again. „Dude, I bet this is the real plumper we expected." he said. „Wanna bet?" He walked over to the door and opened it, already pointing at the guy who was standing there, while still looking at Jules and Gus over his shoulder. When he turned around to face the real plumper, he was up for the next surprise of the day.

„Lassie?"

Lassiter only gave him a nod and immediately started to look around for Juliet. When he spotted her he walked in. „O´Hara. Sorry for intruding but …"

„Carlton, what is it?" Juliet asked, startled to see her partner in her appartement.

„I ehm …" Lassiter started. „It´s this way. My heater just gave up its ghost and since you told me that you got a plumper come in today, I was hoping to get the guy over to my appartement as soon as he is done here. The one that was supposte to come to me this morning didn´t show up and if I call for another one, it´ll be days before my heater gets fixed."

„No kidding." Shawn said throwing Juliet a look. „But I´m afraid you won´t like the plumper we have gotten."

„Why that?" Lassiter asked. By now he´d wrapped his arms around himself as well, chilled by the cold in the room.

Shawn hesitated when a sudden thought occurred to him. „On the other hand …" he mused. „Maybe you two would get along."

„Shawn." Gus was uncertain where his friend wanted to go with that.

„I mean they both are divorced and all." he said. „They´ve got a lot in common. How big is your appartement by the way?" he asked Lassiter.

„Shawn." Gus warned.

„He could easily take in a subtenant." Shawn argued.

Lassiter looked at the two of them for a moment and then dismissed the ridiculous and senseless talk. „The plumper I called was supposte to show up at ten." he told Juliet while walking over to the sofa to have a seat. „But obviously he also works for a funeral parlor and he told me he had to transport two dead bodies to the graveyard before he could come over to me. Said it wouldn´t need longer than an hour." When he noticed the startled looks the three of them gave him, he halted. „What?" he asked.

„You called an undertaker this morning?" Gus asked for confirmation.

„Not an undertaker, Guster. I called for a plumper. But he works as an undertaker in second job and …"

„I got that." Gus interrupted him, slowly losing his patience.

„Good. Then why do you ask?"

„Because our plumper works for a funeral parlor as well." Gus told him pointing at the bathroom door.

„What?" Lassiter cried and turned halfway around to throw a look at the door.

„He just told us." Juliet confirmed.

Lassiter looked over his shoulder uncertain. „Did he say his name?" he asked.

„Bentner." Shawn told him.

„Ralph Bentner." Gus completed the name.

„Are you kidding?" Lassiter cried and jumped up to walk over to the bathroom. „That is the guy that was supposte to fix my heater this morning." He was about to open the door but halfway through it, the handle was ripped out of his hand again and the door was thrown back into the lock. Lassiter just stared at the door baffled for a moment. A moment later the door was opened a little bit and Ralph Bentner called out: „That was my brother you were talking to on the phone." and closed the door shut again.

Lassiter grabbed for the handle but Bentner was obviously holding it from the other side, determined to keep it shut. Angry about this childish behaviour, Lassiter pounded against the door.

„Open this door." he yelled. „S.B.P.D." When he was about to draw his gun, Juliet appeared by his side, holding him back.

„This is still my appartement, Carlton." she reminded him. „I would prefer it, if you don´t shoot my plumper in here."

„Right." Shawn agreed. „The stains will never go out of the carpet."

Lassiter took his hand from his holster and faced the bathroom door again. He knocked on it demanding. „If you don´t come out I will …" he threatened but in this moment the door got opened and Ralph Bentner peered out to them.

„That is … just bad service from your side." Lassiter told the man. „I´ll raise a complain at your company."

„It´s my company." Bentner replied. „A family business. You want to talk to my boss? Wait a sec. I go and get him for you." He closed the door and opened it again a few seconds later. „What can I do for you?" he asked.

Lassiter threw a look at O´Hara and didn´t know what to say. Before he could reach for his gun again, she shoved the plumper back into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

„He told me …" Lassiter began and then turned back to the bathroom door. „You told me it wouldn´t take longer than an hour to transport these bodys to the cemetery." he yelled and then, not expecting an answer waved at the door and walked away.

„But that was a fat guy." the voice of Bentner came from the door. „The guy I had to dig. You should have seen him. Do you have any idea how much work it is to take someone under that eats breakfast at McDonalds?"

„You could have called." Juliet said reasonable.

„My phone doesn´t work."

„Of course." Lassiter exhaled.

„Okay, listen. If I come over right after I´m finished here, would that be okay with you?"

Juliet threw her partner a demanding glance. Be nice, Carlton, this gaze said. Lassiter hesitated but eventually gave in.

„So you are saying that you are done with our heater?" Shawn asked.

„Almost." Bentner said. „Almost. I just have to …"

„What is that smell?" Gus suddenly wondered. Everybody halted startled and sniffed.

„Smells like something is burning." Juliet said with a frown. That was the moment when Bentner swirled around and they noticed the white smog that came out of the bathroom.

„Oh, dear." Bentner cried and ran back into the bath. „The oil caught fire. Oh, dear. Holy Cannoli."

„The oil?" Juliet cried.

„Don´t worry." Bentner cried. „Thanks god, we´re in the bathroom."

„What?" Juliet cried again.

„What does he mean with that?" Shawn cried and in that moment they heard the running water from the sink.

„No." Gus shouted. „You can´t put out burning oil with water."

Immediately Shawn was on his way to the sofa and grabbed for the blanket to put out the fire with that. When the cable had reached its limit though, he the plug wouldn´t come out of the socket and Shawn fell down along with the blanket. Bentner had been faster anyway and when he looked up, a flame shot out of the bathroom and Bentner came out, stumbling and coughing. The smoke was getting thicker now.

„Sorry." Bentner coughed. „But at least now it´s getting warmer, huh?"

„What?" Shawn, Gus and Juliet cried unisono.

Lassiter immediately closed the bathroom door to keep the fire inside. „You are a greater idiot than Spencer." he said.

Juliet hurried to the phone to call the fire fighters.

„Dude, I hope you have insurance." Gus told Bentner.

„Sure, I have." was the answer. „I just … sort of … forgot to sign it."

Gus snapped his mouth shut in shock. Smoke was pouring through the space between the bathroom door and the floor now.

„We´ve got to get out of here." Lassiter said and urged them all to the front door. A moment before they reached it, it knocked.

„Man, that was fast." Shawn commented believing it had to be the firefighters. He ripped the door open and his eyes went wide.

„Dad?" he cried.

Henry was about to say something when he spotted the smoke. „For gods sake, Shawn, what have you done this time?" he shouted and dragged him out.

„It wasn´t me." Shawn defended himself. „Gus, tell him it wasn´t my fault."

„This time he´s right." Lassiter said, pushing Bentner against the wall. „That gives a fat complain, pal." he told him.

„For what?" Bentner cried. „That was an accident."

„You set my partner´s appartement on fire. Tonight you´ll have a place to sleep, I can tell you that. Our holding cell."

„That´s not fair." Bentner cried uselessly. In the distance the horns of the firefighters were approaching.

„Dammit." Juliet exhaled looking at her appartement that was now almost invisible through the smoke. „And where do we sleep tonight?" she asked.

„I could ask the same question." Lassiter agreed. „My appartement is as cold as a freezer."

„I could …" Bentner started but got cut off by Lassiter pushing him against the wall again.

„Don´t even think about it." he warned him.

„You see?" Henry spoke up. „That´s what happens when you try to do things you don´t have a clue about. If you´d asked me for my help, none of this would have happened."

Shawn took a breath and tried not to yell. Things were already messed up enough. His dad being pissed with him was the one thing he couldn´t need right now. Especially since he feared that the next thing he would be forced to ask Henry, would be as unpleasant as the fact that his and Jules appartement was on fire.

„Dad." he started carefully. „Is it possible …?"

But again Henry was far ahead of him. „You are lucky that I always keep the guest room clean." he said. „Come on. Let´s get out of the way."

He led the way down the stairs, while the firemen ran past them to put out the flames. Shawn was gritting his teeth all the way down, trying not to look at Gus or Jules or anyone for that matter. God, he hated that. His dad would remind him on this for the next thirty years.

Before they reached Henry´s truck, Lassiter hurried to catch up with the older Spencer. „Just a second." he asked and Henry turned around to him. „I understand that you know how to repair a heater?"

Henry smiled and threw Shawn a glance. See, kid, this gaze said. It´s not that hard to ask for help. Shawn groaned. Thirty years, he counted in his head. Maybe forty. Welcome to my life.


End file.
